No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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