my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
The uberlube is also flammable
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
