Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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