theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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