Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
