If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Randomize
