he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
