i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
