It's Friday. Sex?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
