I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
