dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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