yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
