I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
