Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
