I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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