After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Actions speak louder than pants.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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