dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
