its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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