I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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