Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
