Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
