I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
