respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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