I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
