Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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