"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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