"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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