Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
