why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
