oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
