ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We have started to decorate penises.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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