1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
