where am i from again
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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