I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
