are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
