I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize
