if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Randomize
