As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
