Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pooping to opera.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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