I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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