Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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