I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
