Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
