You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
