I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
