Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Green mimosas i think yes
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
