Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
organizing the empties. That sober.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
