I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
