He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
