At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
