I like to think it a success when the cops are called
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
