SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
